1) A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that
she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" 

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

2) A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".

3) Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages. 
Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too. 
Patient: Good,you should come and see my collection. I've got hundreds of them.

4) In a psychiatrist's waiting room two patients are having a conversation.

One says to the other, "Why are you here?"

The second answers, "I'm Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here."

The first is curious and asks, "How do you know that you're Napoleon?"

The second responds, "God told me I was."

At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, "NO I DIDN'T!"

5) There were two hunters in the woods. All of the sudden one of them trips on a tree stump. The other guy bent down and checked what was wrong with him, he saw that he wasn't breathing so he dialed 9-1-1 on his phone, 

Operator: This is 9-1-1 how can I help you?
Hunter: Yes, my friend tripped over a tree stump. 
Operator: O.K. but make shure if he is died or not. After a while the operator hears a gun shot
Hunter: O.K. he is dead; now what?